Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
