dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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