Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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