Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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