i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
