Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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