he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
