wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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