I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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