No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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