I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
