now i know why i became what i already was.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
