Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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