Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
