Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
