Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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