So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
