ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
