I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
