Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
