nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
