i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's rum buckets o'clock
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize