I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you would pick up someone in the library
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't turn off my feet"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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