found the other keg... it's in the tree
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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