im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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