i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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