my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
