he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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