Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What a dumb baby whore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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