Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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