True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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