Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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