You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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