bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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