this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
