Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
