i think my tv is drunk
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
