I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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