No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
