Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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