There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize