In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.