I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck