her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december