3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
