just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm too high and old for this...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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