i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.