The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
