you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
