you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
