worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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