New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
