I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
