i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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