jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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