Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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