it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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