to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
