Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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