so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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