I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
