It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
