No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he fucked my hip out of place.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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