also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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