Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
