just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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