Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
