Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
