get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
