Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
