Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
