Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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